Onion News Network provides a 30-minute glimpse into the world's most powerful 24-hour news network. With more attack satellites than any other network and nearly a million surveillance cameras in cities, homes, and high-level government offices across the nation, the Onion News Network is the nation's number-one source for breaking news, screaming political arguments, and vital information on missing teenage Caucasian girls. Onion News Network will showcase the network s top-rated primetime show, a hyperactive graphics and sound effect-laden news explosion called FactZone with Brook Alvarez, hosted by the world s most respected news-reader. Able to seamlessly segue from a grisly death to a cute animal story in the blink of a stunningly beautiful eye, Brooke Alvarez anchors her show with the help of her eager-to-please co-host Tucker Hope, the recipient of several industry awards for skilled manipulation of his high-tech touch-screen monitor, The Recon Wall 4000. Together they tackle important stories like Kim Jong Il Shuts Down North Korean Nuclear Program In Exchange For Lead Role In Next Batman Film and Supreme Court Repeals Annoying Loudmouth's First Amendment Rights.