While I quite like the concept behind the story, there are some quite glaring issues with the implementation that some readers might find distracting, if not actually completely annoying and off-putting.
1. Grammar: At times the grammar in this book is quite atrocious, almost to the point that it feels like it is a draft version of the story that hasn't yet been read over by a proof reader or editor. And maybe it hasn't. But it should be.
2. POV: Most of the time the book uses a character POV approach, laying out the world and events as viewed or experienced by the characters. Then sometimes it will suddenly shift to a god-voice mode, laying out exposition independent of the characters. While the maxim of "show, don't tell" is more of a guideline than a rule for writing, it is a very good guideline. The author's chop and change approach was, in my opinion, rather distracting and at times jarred me out of the story.
3. Characters: Equally jarring is the often perplexing behavior of some of the characters, who seem at times to do things more to keep the plot moving along than because it is something that they would logically be expected to do.
As I said at the beginning, I do quite like the idea of this story. I suspect many of the failings apparent in the book are perhaps indicative of a lack of experience rather than anything worse. The author seriously needs to fire and replace his proof reader though.